How to Get Over an Ex and Survive
Relationships don’t end without pain. Most times it hurts like hell and one person feels most of that pain. If thats you… read on. You’ll find out why you’re in pain and how to get over it. I’ll start with all the different reasons for your pain and suggest ways to get through those situations and how to get over an ex and survive.
You have not internally acknowledged that the relationship is over
This is common when relationships end. When they go wrong there’s always one partner thats less committed than the other. They feel pain… but less than you do. They accept that its over.
But you feel pain that wrenches at your heart every time you let yourself think about your broken relationship.
And sometimes you cannot acknowledge that it is. You still feel you can fix it and you’re emotionally attached to that idea. You dwell on the good times and don’t allow yourself to analyze and come to terms with what was wrong in your relationship and accept that.
When a relationship is over – accept it and don’t look backwards. Thats part of how to get over an ex.
You lack self esteem
As the party in the relationship that does not want to end it, you are vulnerable. Your confidence is shattered and you can lose your self esteem. Your own sense of worth is important at this point in your life because you have to move forward and rebuild your life. You must forget the shared identity you had and rebuild your own identity.
Do this inwardly…. and outwardly in the face you present to the world.
You keep tabs on them
This is a tough one to avoid in a world of social media. Stay away from social media if you can. Don’t go back until you know you’re over it… however long that takes. If part of removing your ex from your life is deleting old pictures of you both from social media, then do it. But thats all. No stalking.
Keeping tabs on him or her can easily become an obsession. Don’t fall into this trap.
You need closure
Break ups happen in different ways. Maybe your partner just walked out without telling you why. Maybe they left you for a different person. If you have not been given reason or explanation… ask your ex to explain. Face to face is best, but whatever the situation, get an honest explanation of why it happened. Even a text message will do.
Without knowing why this happened, you’ll never get closure. You won’t be able to move forward.
You lack self esteem
Low self esteem after a break up can manifest in a fear that you’ll never find anyone again. You start imagining the rest of your life alone and unwanted. The idea of getting ‘out there’ to find somebody else is frightening. If your break up came as a surprise to you, its even worse.
You’re moving from comfortable familiarity to the unknown… and the world out there seems strange and scary.
But never let this fear push you into attempts to re establish your relationship. Accept you can’t change peoples minds in the context of relationships. Matters of the heart defy reason. Thats why they’re special.
Abandon the idea you’ll never find anybody again. Be open to life and opportunity and wear your self esteem with pride. You’ll find somebody else worthy of it I promise.
Your relationship was not about you
When a relationship is only about one of the partners… the other person loses self identity. They subjugate themselves to the dominant partner and become an appendage to them. This kind of relationship is flawed and often does not last.
When there’s a breakup the ‘junior partner’ feels loss and abandonment. This can be shocking. They feel abandoned and terrified at the idea of going back to their own life by themselves. They may have no idea how to get over an ex if this is their first relationship.
If the relationship was good before the break up its even worse for them. They can experience sadness, anger and fear at the idea of life without that partner.
A ‘sense of self ‘ is vital for both parties in good relationships. There should be an unexpressed belief that either party would survive a break up and are individuals in their own right. The people, not the relationship are primal.
Surviving a Breakup
Breakups hurt – there’s no getting away from that. But there are things you can do to ease the pain and help you get over your sense of loss and abandonment.
- Spring clean. Reorganize the house and furniture for a fresh new look with no memories
- Go on holiday with a close friend or family member and try not to talk about your break up too often
- Avoid situations where you might run into your ex
- Don’t go to places where you often spent happy times with your ex
- Don’t be afraid to look at people as potential partners
- Don’t be disillusioned and skeptical – it makes you unattractive
So now you know as much as I do about how to get over an ex. I know what it feels like because I’ve been there more than a couple of times myself. You can deal with it in the ways I have suggested in this post or any other way that works for you.
And don’t forget that just going to bed and having a good cry is also therapy, so if you feel like doing that… no problem just do it. We all have ways of dealing with life’s problems and as long as thats what we do (deal with them) thats ok.
Grab this great book about how to get over your ex here.